I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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