ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
