I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
