somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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