He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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