just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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