***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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