All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize