i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize