Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
