I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
