So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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