that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
