Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
