My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize