The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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