She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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