i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize