girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
