yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
