this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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