this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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