I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I still have a little drunk in my system
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize