Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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