you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
