i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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