I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
