i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
