Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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