He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We have started to decorate penises.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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