Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
