Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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