I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
