i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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