I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
