if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
