Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
