so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
