these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
