it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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