We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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