Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
