my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
