shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
