They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
