I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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