the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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