He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
