Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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