one might say we're banned from that church
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
