the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
