It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
