she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
