dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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