Pants 0. Shit 1.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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