I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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