Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
