There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
