you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
