I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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