we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize