I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
