i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
