He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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