Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
