I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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