elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
