Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize