2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
