There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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