My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
