my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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