It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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