Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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