I need to stop coming to work sober
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
