i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
