I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
