dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
