I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
