margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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